Is it better to be right or to be happy?
Is it better to be right or to be happy? I first heard this question in my early 20s and I immediately chafed at the challenge to pick just one option. I was in my car listening to a “book on tape”, which was the clunky predecessor to audiobooks. There was no audible in the 90s. The narrator introduced the question in Chapter one and I remember raging at a red light and wondering why I should have to choose between being happy and being right? Why would anyone want to choose? I want to be both and there’s no reason why I can’t have both. Besides, all my opinions are the “right” ones so if everyone would just agree with me, we could all be happy.
In the intervening decades, during my commutes and my walks, I listened to many more books on tape, then books on CD, then audiobooks and finally podcasts. The question came up many more times and I resisted it valiantly for many years. Finally, after decades of trying to convince others to accept my point of view and slamming into countless brick walls, I realized my need to be right was getting in the way of my happiness and it finally made sense.
Believing that things were right or wrong, black or white, good or bad, was how I navigated an uncertain world for many years. Things could go wrong around me, the world could fall apart, but my sense of right or wrong was unflagging and it provided a sense of comforting, if flimsy, security. But the trouble with wanting to be right all the time is that with 7 billion souls on the planet, there are 7 billion versions of what’s right. And the problem with believing you’re 100 percent right, is that it automatically means that millions of others have to be wrong by default. Suddenly you have something to defend, arguments to mount, friends and family to convert, protests to attend and debates to have. Frankly, it’s exhausting.
This photo suggests authenticity thought I’m not sure why…
A popular concept today that didn’t exist in my early days of listening to books on tape, is to “own your truth” and I think it’s a gentler substitute for the need to be right. It means that you have the right to your beliefs, feelings and emotions and to express what you perceive to be true. Others may not agree with you but it’s not about one person being right and the other being wrong. It’s about recognizing that we’re all different but we’re all valuable and all of our voices are important. Even if you vehemently disagree with someone with every fibre of your being, that’s okay; it doesn’t mean you have to convince them to change their views.
As for me, I can now answer that question without thinking about it. It only took me about 25 years to get here :).